Although women lose enormous autonomy and privilege, men lose the capacity to authentically connect and instead search for self-esteem through performance, dabbling in process and substance addiction to nurse their pride when they fall short. Highly recommended read. A lot of the material focuses on a masculine experience, but regardless of gender if you've associated your worth with outside achievements and disconnected from people around you, the case studies could be comforting and helpful to you. Many of whom are domestic abusers, sex addicts, work addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. Among other ideas, Real posits an interesting and provocative argument that partners and families collude to hide the reality of men’s depression through focusing “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” argues that patriarchy lies at the heart of men’s depression. Because we can't talk about it. In addition to being great to talk to, she pointed me towards some helpful literature. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. It wasn’t just that I was in over my head, it was that I didn’t care and didn’t plan on getting better.

Many times I was moved to tears by the tales the author shares of patients who have come through his office. Start by marking “I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression” as Want to Read:

The subtext message is, “engage in ‘feminine’ values and activities and risk a similar devaluation yourself.” The paradox for the boys is that the only way to connect with their father is to echo his disconnection. In this moment, and thousands of other ordinary moments, these boys are learning to accept psychological neglect, to discount nurture, and to turn the vice of such abandonment into a manly virtue.”“Men's willingness to downplay weakness and pain is so great that it has been named as a factor in their shorter life span. I look at my son completely differently now— I truly and utterly love him. A lot of the material focuses on a masculine experience, but regardless of gender if you've associated your worth with outside achievements and disconnected from people around you, the case studies could be comforting and helpful to you. Male depression really is not talked about enough. I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart D E If I stay here just a little bit longer D E If I stay here won't you listen Bm7 E A9 To my heart, oh my heart Bm7 If I stand all alone E A9 Will the shadows hide the colours of my heart (Blue for the tears, black for the nights) Bm7 E Well, the stars in the sky don't mean nothing A9 A7 Outside of my closest family and friends, I generally don’t want to talk about ‘it’. Even though there is plenty of evidence that baby boys are more responsive to their feelings even than girls, this vulnerability to feeling is still wiped out by what society expects males to be.Excellent book about male depression. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.

The shocking thing is just how many of these men have underlying trauma from their childhood that they felt they couldn't ever address. I wanted to read this book because I struggled in understanding how to engage and respond to loved ones with depression. Throughout, Real shares moving accounts of his own life, from a painful boyhood, beaten and ignored by a depressed father, through a troubled manhood, disconnected and seeking solace in drugs, to his eventual healing – a journey of self-awareness, grief, and acceptance. The book is essentially a series of descriptions of the author's counseling patients and their family situations that ultimately led to depression. These cookies do not store any personal information.All Rights Reserved © 2017 REAL Relational Solutions LLCThis website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. However, I fundamentally disagree with the victim narrative framing of this book. March 2nd 1998 Even at a young age "boys don't cry, only girls do".

These are subjects that desperately need to be discussed so we can heal those who are hurting people, or boys who may grow up to be perpetrators of the violence that is bestowed upon them that they never asked to burden. I don't wanna talk about it How you broke my heart If I stay here just a little bit longer If I stay here won't you listen To my heart Oh, my heart. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. This book appeared at an excellent time in my life. This is a subject that doesn't get talked about, and that many feel like they can't talk about, so that's why it's so important. He identifies a few methods and tools that can be used to bring the causes to lighThis was the first book I've read on this particular topic, and it was a bit of a pail of cold water in that it was shocking and refreshing.

He could still sing and play but he wasn't bothered with much else. If I stand all alone Will the shadows hide the colours of my heart Blue for the tears, black for the nights fears The stars in the sky I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression But since my friend means a lot to me, I dug in, and was richly rewarded. They have also learned that he is not accountable in his emotional absence, that Mother does not have the power either to engage him or to confront him. The stories are devastating and may make you feel sick for the little boys that went through such difficulties. Real explains so many things, not only about my own life, but in the entire masculine culture of our civilization: alcoholism, workaholics, physical and sexual abuse. Welcome back. As a wife of a military vet and struggling with how to overcome this hardship in our marriage I feel hopeful and motivated by the insight and essential tips in this book. Each one illustrates his points and each point is made clearer because of the open-hearted, humanistic way that the writer has.This book transformed me from a C-minus father to an A or even A-plus. The book is essentially a series of descriptions of the author's counseling patients and their family situations that ultimately led to depression. But it ended up manifesting, more often than not, as what had been done to them. Easily the most beneficial thing she had me read was this book, As happens with lots of college students, there came that point where I needed to talk to someone. Already set to read some of his others!


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