Another client was approached by a stranger on the street, who said: “You know, in order to wear your hair that short you really need to have a stunningly gorgeous face…” She responded by saying: “You know, in order to walk up to a stranger and say that is stunningly rude. Hidden under a sheath of irony, offensive jokes tell the story of a power relation: the joker is the one taking the dominant position, while the butt end of the joke gets socially demoted. You make your point and hopefully they will learn from the discomfort. You are in a meeting or having a hallway conversation at work and someone just said something really offensive. “[A]dvocate for yourself in a way that is protective and caring, while remaining respectful and diplomatic,” said Marter, who also pens the Psych Central blogs The Psychology of Success and First Comes Love. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and though they are reviewed for adherence to our guidelines, they are submitted in their final form to our open platform. How to respond to sex texts and inappropriate messages. Maybe you could ignore it. How to Boost Your Confidence for Your Next Date, What To Do If You Start Falling For Your Friend with Benefits, How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Hurt Again In Love. Or you could get mad. You know it’s harder to get pregnant as you age. For instance, you might say: “It is not OK for you to comment on my food, my weight, my exercise or my body.” Marter suggested checking out Cloud and Townsend’s work on setting boundaries. “Their daughter is a normal, darling child with normal toddler behavior. The offender will be uncomfortable with the silence and likely hem and haw. However, sometimes texting can escalate to more than just flirty banter. Please read our, 4 Steps for Confronting Someone Whose Humor is Offensive, Why Owning Up to Our Unconscious Bias is the Key to Finding Common Ground, How to Handle Workplace Crisis as a Leader of Integrity, We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. Do you yell or insult back? All rights reserved. When you get one of “those” texts….what do you do? Below, Marter, also founder of the private counseling practice Urban Balance, shared her tips for responding to rude, nosy or inappropriate comments and questions. Her Master's degree is in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Your email address will not be published. Choose whether to respond. If you have ever received an inappropriate message than you will know the frustration and disappointment that comes with getting one. Others have poor boundaries. Here are my tips on how to respond the right way so that you can stay classy , firm and also know if this guy is one who is able to respect you. Then wait – let the silence grow. Then wait – let the silence grow. Sometimes, when faced with an inappropriate remark, Marter responds with “Wow,” and then succinctly communicates that the person’s comment crossed the line. … Continued Find your power by using this simple phrase and letting silence follow. Be warned - this is an experiment, and explosions, or at least bad jokes, could occur at any time. To some extent, it might depend on the situation – who it is, your reporting relationship, the extremeness of the comment, etc. she then replied with "hey, stop distracting me in bed! In this video I want to talk about the type of message that are just testing the boundaries ( obviously anyone who send s a dick pic should be eliminated) . You make your point and hopefully they will learn from the discomfort. Try this phrase. If you absolutely HAVE to check your phone and respond to a message while you are with others, do it politely. According to Marter, silence can be “an effective mirror for somebody to gain insight about their inappropriate behavior.” One example is when someone is catcalling or making sexual remarks, she said. Some people simply don’t have a filter — especially when alcohol is involved. For instance, imagine an invisible shield made out of Plexiglas between you and them. With no professional training but rather what she picked up in experience, teachings and observation, her writings offer a witty and relative outlook with practical advice on life and romance in the 21st century. “Any negative energy cannot penetrate you.”, Marter also cited Ross Rosenberg’s technique of emotionally distancing yourself from others called “Observe, Don’t Absorb!”. In the email, he also copied their entire extended family. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. Don’t disclose if … We’ve all been in these situations. Check it there, respond if you have to, and then put the phone back in your pocket before returning to your seat. With no professional training but rather what she picked up in experience, teachings and observation, her writings offer a witty and relative outlook with practical advice on life and romance in the 21st century. i was just texting her to say i hope she felt better. How to Respond to Rude or Inappropriate Remarks, Learning To Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal, Many Seniors with Depression Faring Well During Pandemic, Books and Movies that Inspire Screenwriters. And sometimes people just don’t know any better. A guy sends you a sexual text. Do you scold the offender? Do you calmly address the inappropriate statement? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. “Don’t share information you do not want to share,” Marter said. The offender will be uncomfortable with the silence and likely hem and haw. We’re talking about getting a dirty text from a bro. Regardless, it is hard to think of the best response in the tense moment, unless you have a strong response ready. (It’s likely everyone has.). “Check in with your body and assess what you are feeling.”. “I’m surprised you are comfortable saying that.”, Consider adding this phrase to your toolkit, “I’m surprised you are comfortable saying that.”. Your email address will not be published. Just keep in mind this quote from Wayne Dyer, a favorite of Marter’s: “How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours.”. How to respond to inappropriate texts. For instance, one client received an email from her childless bachelor brother criticizing her and her husband’s parenting after attending their daughter’s birthday party.

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